By: B Goode

Is anyone interested to know about Amos Yee?

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No?

Guessed as much.

If not because of my newsfeed being filled with nothing but Schooling (gratz!) or former President Nathan (RIP), I too will not be bothered about Amos Yee. But life compels you to balance things up; happy (Schooling’s gold medal) + sad (Mr Nathan’s death) + zonk (Amos Yee’s theatrics).

So let me force some zonkiness into your life so that you guys will not suffer from bipolar.

In case you don’t already know, Amos Yee is now in court to answer 8 charges against him for doing some girlish childish stupid stuff. The zonk part is that, nobody bothers. There are no banana eating protesters outside the court, no groupies, no one to slap him, and if I am not mistaken, no lawyers even.

The only thing people are interested in is his luscious long hair. Girl! Your hair smells terrific!

Zonk!

And therein lies the problem. Or rather his problem. When Amos Yee was first thrusted into the limelight with his anti-Christianity tirade, some people saw him as the saviour of Singapore’s stifling and sterile socio-political landscape. Overnight, he became the new darling of anti-establishment and opposition politicians, dethroning Roy Ngerng, Han Hui Hui and the return-our-CPF clowns.

I am sure people like Goh Meng Seng is now quietly wishing that the picture of him eating a banana and of him protesting in Hong Kong can be wiped off from Singaporean’s psyche. Sorry bro. Nothing gets deleted from the internet. Once a stupid, will always be a stupid. *Law of the internet 101.

But a few of us believed that Amos Yee was just an internet meme. Something or someone that trended for a few weeks at most and then once his 15 minutes of fame was up, he’d eventually become just a footnote. Not the historical kind, mind you. Just the scrapbook kind.

And we have been proven right. Amos Yee is now just a footnote for ridicule. And he realises that. That’s why he tries very hard to up the ante by performing more and more outrageous stunts. But…

Girl! It’s getting stale! zzzzzzzz

And that’s the thing about the internet. Internet personalities or memes don’t usually last very long because the internet is like a vast ocean with billions of fish. You have to be a really special fish to get people like me to be bothered about you. And even then, sooner rather than later, a new special kind of fish will emerge and our attention with shift towards….OMG! I JUST SAW POKEMON VAPOREON!!

But a real personality with real achievement such as Schooling or Nathan will not be a mere footnote of history, but will always be the headline and the highlight of the country.

Forever.

By: B Goode

So wild boars are running amok in some parts of Singapore; dashing across roads causing danger to motorists and there was even news of attacks on passers-by.

And what are the authorities doing about this menace? They are still thinking….

In the words of Clint Eastwood:

It’s a very confusing era that we’re in.

I must be one of the few people in Singapore who still thinks that if an animal poses a threat to human lives, kill it! And if it is edible, might as well eat it.

Mother nature demands balance. The reason why wild boars are coming out of the nature reserves is because of over-population. Whatever little patches of forest that we have are no longer enough to support the burgeoning numbers.

In the past, there were tigers and leopards to control the wild boars population. Then came the human hunters. Now, hunting is prohibited in the nature reserves and so the wild boars threw a party, had an orgy and they were even confident enough to form conga lines across our roads and expressways.

I got all that from the Discovery Channel so it must be true.

Before someone gets killed, it is time that the wild boars are culled. Culling does not mean extermination but simply us humans acting as the predators to keep their numbers in check.

And culling is an accepted act in many other countries because in those countries their animal lovers truly understand what it means to love animals. They understand that culling is good for the health and well-being of the animals because a disrupted and devastated environment due to over-population will pose greater risk to the animals themselves and humans.

But here in Singapore, the animal lovers’ concept of animal-loving is to just leave them alone. This is not only irresponsible but downright implausible.

My suggestion is to bring back culling in the form of licensed hunting. Licenses are issued for the hunting of a pre-determined numbers of animals. It is a win win situation.

The government gets some money which they like, the hunters get some thrill and bushmeat, and most importantly the environment gets the balance that they are in desperate need of.

And I can safely walk along the roads without having to worry that an angry boar will come charging at me out of nowhere.

By: B Goode

A former President dies and as a Singaporean I am supposed to feel something. Right?

I tried to feel sad. I tried to be bereaved. I tried to grief. I tried to experience a sense of loss. But I am finding it hard to do all of that. I simply don’t have the feels.

I only have apathy.

Not wanting to be callous, I read on S R Nathan’s achievement and life story. I perused all the interviews given by people who knew him. I watched the live feeds of his funeral. 20,000 people paid their last respect including some luminaries the world over. He must have been a great man. Right?

Still, I don’t feel the feels.

I felt like he was just the neighbour whom I didn’t know whose funeral wake I passed by at the void-deck. I felt nothing. Just a slight curiosity to know who he was.

Am I a bad person?

Or am I just cold-hearted?

Nah. Because when my mom died, I bawled my eyes out. I felt sad when LKY died. I had the feels when Mandela died. And when Mother Theresa met her creator, I momentarily found God. For about 5 minutes.

And then it dawned upon me as to why the feels I was supposed to feel when S R Nathan died eluded me.

Unlike my mom who as far as I am concerned was Wonderwoman, or the other luminaries I mentioned, S R Nathan was just a normal man.

This is not to take the achievement away from him. Or to belittle the adoration and respect that he deserved.

This is due to the fact that throughout his life, he wanted to be just the normal guy. The normal son, brother, husband, father, grandfather and Uncle to all. The guy who smiled and said hello to everyone and who would dish out advice if you asked. You know, that smiling Uncle in the coffeeshop.

He wanted to be the silent worker. The quiet achiever along the corridors of power. He was never a glory-seeker and never dreamt to be in the spot-light.

Having been brought up in a generation that unless someone was on a golden chariot pulled by a herd of elephants with a full escort of a marching band and neon banners declaring his achievement, S R Nathan looked normal to me.

He was like Clerk Kent to his alter-ego Superman. Had Superman died, everyone including me would have felt the feels. But because he died as Clerk Kent, some people like me just didn’t feel it.

Quietly I wished that, that was how he wanted some people to feel. Nothing. Normal.

So now I am happy. My apathy towards S R Nathan’s passing was just a normal feeling towards someone who wanted to be normal.

So rest in peace Clerk Kent. We actually already knew your secret alter-ego.

You are S R Nathan.

By: B Goode

41 new cases of Zika have just been confirmed in Singapore. All locally transmitted. With more tests to be conducted on more people from other parts of Singapore, we can expect more cases in the coming days.

That’s a lot of mosquitoes….

I think we can safely say that we are in the middle of a Zika outbreak.

We were worried for our athletes when they went to Rio. When we heard of countries having the Zika virus, some of us changed our travel plans. We were afraid and understandably so.

But now that Singapore has become the number one country in Asia with the most Zika cases, what are we going to do?

As usual, we begin with a blame game. The first reaction was that the government was involved in a conspiracy to cover-up. I call bollocks. You can hate on the government for all you like but to cover up an epidemic is something that they will not undertake because it will have an implication beyond our borders. It is one thing to antagonise Singaporeans, but to provoke world agencies such as WHO…. Nah…

So the next thing that at least I will contemplate to do is to get out of the country. But as stupid as it seems, it is indeed stupid. So scratch that.

Or we can ask the Indonesians to burn more forest so that the haze will be thick enough to kill the mosquitoes because…mosquito coil anyone? But then again we will die of cancer.

And so we are left with the only viable alternative and that is to stay and fight this outbreak together.

This is not the time for the government to downplay the issue. This is not the time for the government to launch an ideological campaign to brainwash the population that everything is honky-dory in an attempt to placate and assuage us.

The best course of action is for the government to declare a national health emergency and put in place the necessary procedures to combat this.

Granted Zika is not as bad as say SARS or Ebola due to the extremely low rate of fatality, but the threat of Zika lies not in its nature but in its perception or misperception. People all over the world are frightened at the very mention of the word Zika. It is like mentioning the word `balut’ to me. I’ll run to Bukit Timah Hill and puke.

The irrational fear of Zika will have an impact on our tourist industry. It will impact on our daily lives and schedule. People will start to speculate and if not managed properly will lead to ultimately panic.

But controlled panic is actually good.

So I’d suggest that the government start to mobilise everything within their means and that includes the people, to face the threat headlong:

1. Provide free compulsory screening for all pregnant mothers and their family members. Nothing will placate us more than free stuff
2. Provide insect repellents to all especially students
3. Perform a nationwide mosquito fogging, and I mean nationwide. Not just to limit it to possible affected areas
4. Invoke the quarantine law
5. Close all schools
6. Have a blood donation drive
7. Mobilise all the necessary manpower to intensify the search-and-destroy mission of mosquito breeding sites
8. Name and shame the contractors responsible for mosquito breeding in their worksites just like how we would like to name and shame the companies responsible for the haze (lol)
9. Kill all the pigeons. I am not sure what’s the link but take this opportunity to exterminate them, please!

Will we be over-reacting? Definitely yes. But for cases such as Zika where people are already over-reacting, the best course of action is to over-react. As they say, the best defence is offence.

This will at least assuage Singaporeans and the world that we are taking concrete steps to eradicate the menace albeit in a way Singapore is notorious for; over-the-top-all-action-take-no-prisoners fight.

We are famous the world over for doing things in our own indomitable way. Now is the time to show the world once again that though we may quarrel, argue and complain incessantly, when it comes to the crunch, we will unite and stand together and face the problem headfirst.

So let’s roll our sleeves and do our part!

Meanwhile you might want to check on the list of cheap air tickets here.

By: B Goode

What have we as a nation done wrong to the migrant workers so much so that they are compensated with benefits that even certain segment of our society don’t get to enjoy? Have we committed a sin so great to the migrant workers that if we don’t indulge them, we will be cursed with new-age biblical plagues such as TB, Dengue and Zika. Oh wait….

No seriously. Let me give you a rundown of what I am talking about.

1. Migrant workers are now housed in dormitories with mandatory minimum personal space which for all intent and purposes is quite roomy. In contrasts, some big Singaporean families are stuffed into one room and no-room studio apartments with hardly any room to move. Don’t believe me? Go and visit any of the HDB studio apartment blocks and see for yourself.
2. Migrant workers have free access to water, electricity and cooking gas, while some Singaporean families have their utilities rationed.
3. Migrant workers are provided with free transport in air-conditioned buses. Those open-top lorries carrying migrant workers that you sometimes see on the roads are actually flouting the law. While we Singaporeans have to pay an ever-increasing fares just to jostle face to armpit to get to and from work.
4. Migrant workers are provided with big entertainment centres and sports facilities free-of-charge while we have to pay to use the badminton court in the CCs.
5. Migrant workers can purchase and consume alcohol in their dorms anytime of the day and night while we Singaporeans are expected to be in bed by 10.30pm. They are not supposed to I know but the authorities don’t give a damn.
6. Migrant workers are given free medical, free insurance, free…I could be in the jam at the causeway and by the time I cleared immigration, the list would still not be completed.

In short, migrant workers enjoy a standard of living that is not only better than back in their home countries, but better than even some Singaporeans.

Oh and the latest which has something to do with the Zika outbreak:

As of Monday, MOH said it completed testing of all workers at the construction site who had symptoms of fever and rash previously. It is also screening workers staying at the dormitories located in the areas of concern.

So the government is providing free screening to migrant workers while residents in the area are only given free….pamphlets.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that migrant workers should be mistreated. But they should not be over-compensated at the expanse of Singaporeans. At the very least, poor and under-privileged Singaporeans should get what the migrant workers are getting.

At the end of the day, migrant workers are not slave labourers. They are not refugees. They came to Singapore to work on their own free will. Yes we should treat them well and look after their welfare but in cases such as Zika screening, the government should also treat Singaporeans equally if not better.

And please don’t use the excuse that migrant workers help to build the nation as if we Singaporeans don’t. As if we Singaporeans do nothing but spent our time in front of the computer bitching incessantly about the government.

Not all Singaporeans are like me.

By: B Goode

As expected, the Zika epidemic has spread to other parts of Singapore with more than 100 people affected including an expectant mother. More terrible news await in the coming days and weeks.

Almost overnight, a tiny insect has managed to expose the gross incompetency and lackadaisical attitude of the government in tackling this issue. The people are terrified and are on the brink of a collective panic attack. No amount of government propaganda and information massaging can change this fact.

While Rome burns, Nero is taking a selfie.

What have the government done so far? Let’s count the ways:

1. The Ministers are practically nowhere to be seen. In a war of any kind, we expect the leaders to be at the forefront, in the battlefield, in the trenches. Not in their air-conditioned ivory towers.
2. The Environment Minister whose department, the NEA’s incompetency is causing the outbreak in the first place is seemingly oblivious. *More on this later.
3. Teo Ser Luck has so far visited migrant workers’ dormitories to show his concerns for their welfare. Hello! Are we not humans too?
4. MOH is giving free screening to expectant mothers who exhibit Zika symptoms when they (MOH) are the ones who said that some victims do not show any symptoms at all. Why not offer free screening to all expectant mothers and their family members? Do we have to wait for a Minister or a VVIP and their family members to get infected before the government release the necessary funds for free screening for all?
5. The authorities are fogging all infected areas. What about areas that have not been affected? How about doing it for the whole island? In fire-fighting, which is what they are doing now, it is important to prevent the fire from spreading to other unaffected parts by spraying water on them.

Let me now focus my utter dismay at the NEA.

Zika virus is transmitted primarily by Aedes mosquitoes. The same type of mosquito that is responsible for Dengue. For years the NEA has seemingly embarked on a seemingly sustained campaign to eradicate mosquitoes. I said `seemingly’ because the results do not match the effort. The walk doesn’t match the talk. Despite decades of effort, dengue cases don’t seem to be abating. In fact, they are increasing. So either they are not doing what they say they have been doing, or their strategy has failed miserably.

The Zika outbreak started from a construction site. How difficult is it for the NEA to inspect construction sites? I imagine it to be very difficult. Was that the reason why either no inspection was done, or it was done cursorily? When was the last time the construction site in question was inspected? Was any mosquito breeding nests found? If yes, what was the action taken? If no, where did the mosquitoes come from?

In most condominiums, fogging is conducted on a weekly basis. I know because one of my rich friends stays in a condo.Why can’t the NEA impose certain kind of regulation on all Town Councils to do the same? Why can’t the NEA impose the same regulation on all construction sites?

If fingers need to be pointed, they should be pointed directly at the NEA for their decades of incompetency in combating the mosquitoes. They were very fast to point their fingers at the Indonesians for the haze. The Minister even asked to boycott the companies causing the haze.

But when it comes to the mosquitoes, the Minister is nowhere to be seen. Why didn’t he ask for the contractor to be punished and banned? Because that will be very difficult to do isn’t it?

If the Minister himself is not showing any interest in the issue, what can we expect from the people under him?

So the Zika virus is spreading worse than the forest fire in Riau. But there is another virus that is fast spreading within the bureaucracy.

It is called incompetency.

By: B Goode

When (not if) the proposed changes to the elected presidency are made into Law, the one casualty will be Dr Tan Cheng Bock. But he had no one to blame but himself because he decided to cross the road when the traffic light was red.

Last year when the government announced that they would be forming a committee to look into changing the criteria for the elected Presidency, instead of waiting like he should have, Tan Cheng Bok decided to hurriedly herald his intention to contest the upcoming election. Instead of waiting patiently for the green light, Tan Cheng Bock decided to cross the road thinking that his popularity alone would make him invincible to the oncoming traffic. But unfortunately the traffic saw him `no up’ and the result was Tan Cheng Bock sprawled face- down on the tarmac.

In the next coming days and weeks, be prepared for an onslaught of condemnation, acidic comments and conspiracy theories spouting from his camp, sympathizers and admirers. But mostly from the usual anti-PAP crowd who will surely make Tan Cheng Bock their new mascot to attack the government. Well that is the only thing they are good at. Whack-a-mole.

But to the conspiracy theorists, I have a comment to make.

If I was the government who had something to hide, I would be more afraid to have someone who was qualified according to the proposed changes to be the President than Tan Cheng Bock. Because at the end of the day, Tan Cheng Bock, although being a good doctor that he is, is seen by many as a good candidate for the Presidency based solely on his popularity as a maverick former PAP politician who dared to speak out against his master. Not on his ability to scrutinize the government budget.

If say I was the Chairman of a town council out to embezzle the TC’s fund, would I want a good, recognised, qualified accountant to oversee my budget? Nope. I’d get a half-past six one who was more comfortable to still using the abacus.

So the fact that the government is looking to have someone who is not only qualified but over-qualified to hold the key to the nation’s reserves shows that the present government is truly and understandably paranoid about having someone who is not qualified but popular to oversee government’s budget. Someone like…..Miley Cyrus.

I too would be afraid.

So Tan Cheng Bok can say good bye to his ambition to be the President of Singapore. His fascination with Singapore’s highest office will surely ends here.

He is a good man. He is a popular man but unfortunately he is simply not qualified.

By: B Goode

Finally the NTUC has decided to assist the two SMRT train drivers to appeal against their sacking for the fatal train accident. An afterthought? Maybe but at least the NTUC has come to its senses after the uproar that the sackings have caused and perhaps agree with the popular opinion that the dismissals are harsh.

We may however argue that getting sacked for causing the death of two people is an appropriate and fair action, but looking at the circumstances of the case, the dismissals smell of scapegoating.

The internal inquiry conducted by SMRT found the accident to have been caused by a series of mistakes made by a group of people. Like the two sacked staff, the others have also been disciplined. But unlike the two, the others were not sacked.

So if an accident was because of a collective failing, why the differing punishment? The argument could be because of the different level of individual culpability. But the person who didn’t ensure that the track was aligned properly, and the person who didn’t get the proper authorisation for the track work, together with the supervisor on site who failed to give a proper look-out, and the driver of course, should all be similarly culpable because the accident would not have happened if all of them were to do their part. We can also throw in those working in the control room and a lot others.

The point is, the accident was due to a collective negligence and all those involved in contributing to the accident should be getting the same dose of medicine.

Should all of them be sacked? If it was due to gross negligence then yes. If not, then of course no. But the concept of equal misery should apply here.

Speaking of culpability, on what basis did the SMRT disciplinary board came when appropriating liability? I asked this because correct me if I am wrong, the Police have yet to conclude their investigations and the coroner inquiry has yet to sit.

So this appears to be a case of the horse arguing with the cart about who should cover whose ass.

By: B Goode

So finally, the `cool cucumber’ mask that Dr Tan Cheng Bock slathered on his own face dried-up and cracked to reveal what lie underneath; the face of a bitter man. A salty man.

Throughout the debate on the changes to the Elected Presidency (EP), Dr Tan has tried to put on a veneer of respectability and surrounded himself with an aura of propriety and uprightness by staying above the fray even to the extent of giving a compliment (albeit a back-handed one) to the men of virtue.

But now that it appeared that those same men of virtue were not about to make any concession to allow Dr Tan to contest in the EP, Dr Tan issued a statement via his facebook:

SINGAPOREANS ARE VERY CONCERNED

Thank you all for your encouraging responses to my last post.

It reached 324,411 people with 1,369 shares as at 23sept.

I would particularly like to share a comment by a Mr. Cheah Kok Keong to my post. He wrote:

“When the Head of State is defined more by his wealth and race rather than his character, integrity and his track record of leadership in public, community, charity, volunteer, social services, what legacies are we leaving for our future generations?”

On the surface, that little posting seemed innocuous but if you removed the pretence, you’d expose and bring to the fore Dr Tan’s character flaw; a self-centred man who thinks that the world revolves around him.

First thing first. By using another person’s comment to enunciate his own feelings on the issue is smacked of political cowardice. Here is a man who said that he’d be the perfect foil to the government.  Yet, he had to hide behind someone else’s comment to whack the men of virtue. Getting your minions to do all the dirty work is easier than doing it yourself, isn’t it?

Now let’s look at that `I didn’t say it, someone else’s did but I am going it put it up anyway’ statement.

Personally, I find it utterly disturbing coming from someone with the obsessive desire to be Singapore’s Head Of State.

If Dr Tan thinks that race is not an issue, then he must read-up more and understand what the term `Head-Of-State’ means;  what are the other equally important roles and responsibilities of a President; what the Office represents: and most importantly to fathom the kind of State Singapore is. Hint: Does the concept of multi-racialism ring a bell?

If I was a Malay, and there had not been a President from my own race for about half a century, I’d feel slighted and I’d question the notion that Singapore is a multi-racial society. I’d quietly question why the other races are not prepared to accept a Malay to be the President.

And if Dr Tan thinks that you have to be wealthy to be the President, then he has to read up on the proposed changes to the EP, again. And again.

But what takes the cake is Dr Tan alluding to ‘his track record of leadership in public, community, charity, volunteer, social services’.

If the word `his’ is replaced by `her’ you might think that he was talking about Halimah Yacob. But we will get there later.

Since the last PE, what has Dr Tan achieved vis-à-vis that statement of his? Acting all Presidential when he has yet to be the President by going on walk-a-abouts, more recently to Coney Island, surrounded by his entourage for photo-ops does not count.

Being a good charitable Doctor (which he is) does not count either because he is not the only doctor who does that.

Being able to stand up to the government when he was the MP does not count either because then Sylvia Lim would far surpass his achievement.

What notable public, community, charity, volunteer, social services work has he done? Please tell. Inquiring mind needs to know.

Lastly, if Dr Tan and his rabble-rousers truly believed in what he had posted on his facebook, and I mean truly, sincerely, honestly and have I mentioned truly (?), I would like to challenge them on this:

Sit down and make an honest assessment and compare the achievement of these two personalities. Discount the race factor and solely based on the `criteria’ that Dr Tan had alluded to, tell us who would be more eligible to be the President of Singapore?

Dr Tan Cheng Bock Vs Mdm Speaker Halimah Yacob

By: B Goode

At times it is hard to like the government especially when they are being deceitful less than open when trying to sugarcoat bad policies thinking that Singaporeans are morons.

Take online gambling for example. Two years ago when online gambling was banned, the government said that it was because gambling was bad and that online gambling provided easy access to people that might cause them to be addicted.

A lot of us said : “Yeah right! Tell that to the marines, they might believe you.”

What was so bad about gambling and what easy access were they blabbing about when we could easily place a bet at 4-D outlets in family supermarkets like NTUC?

We must be morons to believe that.

Everyone and their grandmothers knew that it was to plug the potential loss of revenue for the government-controlled Singapore Pools and of course in taxes.

And now, either thinking that Singaporeans are forgetful or that we are morons, most probably the latter, the government made a U-Turn and said that online gambling is not all that bad. `Managed’ online gambling is good they say, because it will prevent them from going underground.

How an `online’ thing can go underground is beyond me because like many of us, I am stupid like that. But that’s why we have the Police and Dr Yaacob Ibrahim because you know, they are supposed to be smart.

Everyone and their grandmothers, grandfathers, cats, dogs and their long lost relatives know the real reason for the U-Turn. The government wants a slice of the online gambling revenue.

And after getting a rollicking, the government now say that they will make it difficult and cumbersome for people to register to prevent gambling addicts from getting easy access. You know who will go through all the trouble to get their gambling fix? That’s right. Addicts!

Casual gamblers like me will not be bothered to fill up forms and personally register just to place a $2 big on 2911 (Huat ahhh!!)

This government is not averse to throw their moral compass out of the window for the sake of revenue. Take cigarettes for example. They have practically classified cigarettes as poisons and yet allowed them to be sold. Like, seriously?

I am not saying that the government should not find ways and means to increase their revenue. But at least be open about it and don’t treat Singaporeans like morons.

Why don’t they just say that the reason for allowing `managed’ online gambling is because since Singaporeans are avid punters, might as well allow some form of online gambling to support our `charitable’ Singapore Pools rather than the money going into the pockets of some online bookies hiding somewhere in geylang (that’s what I think when they mentioned underground) who the Police with their gadgets are inexplicably unable to detect.

Just don’t try to use some moral reasons to justify something that is immoral in the first place. Not me say one hor..

Jesus, Mohamad, Buddha, Kuan Im, Guru Nanak, Sai Baba and everyone else whose photo you might see displayed in someone’s home said that gambling is bad. Allowing `managed’ online gambling in order to prevent gambling is not only an oxymoron, but will not make you go to heaven.

And please. Don’t treat us like morons.

We are not morans.

By: B Goode aka Brad Pitt

Now that the amendments to the Elected Presidency aka `the bill to stop somebody (lol!) from becoming the president’ has been tabled in parliament, Dr Tan Cheng Bock aka Dr Adrian Tan should just end his ambition aka obsession with becoming the President.

According to the new amendments which will surely be passed into law, Dr Tan is deemed unsuitable aka unfit to hold the key to the highest office in the land. Period.

So now he is left with three choices to make:

1. To continue fighting a lost cause
2. To continue fighting in what he believes in via other channels
3. To walk gracefully into the sunset

Option (1) will be a waste of time and will give the impression that Dr Tan is desperate for the job. The battle is already lost. The door is closed. The story has ended. The longer he remains petulant, the more damage he will do to his reputation. Sympathy will turn to pity. Pity will turn to bleh, and then bleh will turn to `omg! This old man again!’

Option (2) will actually be a good proposition. If Dr Tan truly believed that the government needed someone or something to keep it in-checked, then he should channel his energy and conviction into other ways and means to do that. Perhaps by supporting other candidate. Or creating an NGO or pressure group to keep an eye on things. Or even forming his own political party and bring the fight to Parliament. After all, the Presidency is not and should not be the only way to check the government.

But then again, one has the feeling that Dr Tan only has an eye for the Presidency, and only for himself.

Personally, I’d prefer for Dr Tan to take the third option. Just quietly admit defeat and walk into the sunset with a swagger, rather than forever be known as Dr Desperado Tan.

By: B Goode

Josephine Teo talking about sex is like two slugs mating.

Messy.

We all knew what she was trying to say; that having a house is not a pre-requisite to having babies. Sex is.

And here all along I thought babies came from storks…

Anyway, she would not have been Singapore’s own Mrs Umbridge, the headmistress of Hogwarts if she had just stopped there. In fact, judging from her previous attempts at stimulating Singaporeans to reproduce, she should have just stopped talking entirely. If Khaw Boon Wan is Mister Gaffe, Josephine Teo is his soulmate.

To say that you don’t need a big space to have sex is true to a certain extent. That is, if you are happy to just be doing the missionary. Booooringggg….

Maybe she’s happy with that. But many couples are more adventurous when it comes to sex. Sort of `fifty shades of grey’ adventurous. Or they may want to try all the positions listed in the Karmasutra; all around the house; on the dining table, over the washing machine and kitchen sink, in the storeroom. Anywhere and anyhow but hanging in a strap from the ceiling fan. Just don’t.

For some couples, having the space to run around naked is a pre-requisite to having sex.

She should watch porn. Like, seriously.

What I am trying to say is that Josephine Teo’s view about Singaporeans’ procreation is as simplistic as her view on sex. And the fact that she is the Senior Minister in-charge of population is utterly un-titillating.

The reason for some young couples not wanting to have children before having a house is because they see having a house as a pre-requisite to raising a family. They want to have the foundation and the right condition in place before bringing a child or two into this world. They may think that if they cannot afford to buy a house, they may not afford to raise a family. It is called family planning and it involves more than just telling Singaporeans where to have sex.

So instead of teaching Singaporeans about the birds and the bees, she should instead tackle the issue about the availability of affordable housing for young couples.

In fact, raising a family is like having sex. If the right condition is not there, you just cannot get it up.

By: B Goode aka Captain Obvious

It is all over isn’t it? Unless Hillary Clinton screws up big time, or her husband Bill screws another woman, she will become the first woman POTUS in history.

It is not because she is popular. It is just that she is less despicable than her opponent Donald Trump. In fact this election will go down in history as a battle between the devil and the deep blue sea. You might be afraid of the unknown dangers in the depth of the sea, but you definitely know that the devil is bad.

The problem with Donald Trump is that he has burnt too many bridges that he is now desperately clinging to the leaking raft in the middle of Lake Michigan. Everyone except for the angry white males despised him. Some groups are even fearful of him. Therefore Hillary Clinton, despite her smugness, Benghazi, scandals and suspect political connections, is seen as the more acceptable candidate. She can be tolerated for at least 4 years.

Trump’s strength and also weakness is his brashness. The angry white males, those who are sick and tired of years of government’s pandering to the liberal left, love his gun-slinging, Clint Eastwoodish, take no prisoners attitude. But it is this brashness too that has alienated arguably the most powerful block in American politics; the elites.

The elites, consisting of powerful political and financial families, the media barons, church leaders, those who control the entertainment industry; those who will enormous political clout and influence, and who silently stalk the corridors of power in Washington see Donald Trump as a runaway bull on steroids. They find Trump to be too unpredictable and thus will be difficult to control and manage.

If you have a choice between a docile cow and a fighting bull, which one will you prefer to put a nose-ring on?

And thus in a way, Donald Trump is correct to say that he is now a victim of a concerted campaign to discredit him. But then again, if you have a runaway mouth, it is not a difficult thing to do.

So in the words of Porky Pig: Yibbiddy Yibbiddy That’s All Folks!

By: B Goode

A lot have been written about China’s behaviour towards her neighbours lately. Mostly bad stuff. So bad that the best Halloween costume for this year would be dressing up as Mao Zedong.

But to understand China, we need to delve deep into her history.

Nooooo! Don’t go! This will not be like your dreaded history lessons in school where you learned about dates that you couldn’t remember, and dead people whose names you couldn’t pronounce let alone spell. I’ll make it snappy.

For thousands of years, China has been ruled by a system of patronage where lesser kingdoms and provinces paid homage and tribute to the Emperor or whoever wielded the greatest power. It was sort of like the triad system. If you didn’t want to be attacked and molested, you jolly well kowtow to me and pay protection money.

Something that perhaps Philippines President Dueterte is aware of.

A system honed through thousands of years of evolution should not be expected to change overnight. And yet some political analysts are scratching their heads to find the answers to China’s perplexing attitude. The thing is that, China’s political system is not unique to her alone. In fact, this system was practiced by most nations in the past, and is still practiced by some.

So what’s new?

To understand this, we need to know the two important schools of political thoughts. The first one is realism or if you want to sound more intelligent, you can call it realpolitik.

Realpolitik is basically `might is right’. The stronger you are, the more formidable you become and therefore the more chances of you surviving. It is the Darwinism of politics. Survival of the fittest. But in order to be strong, you not only need to have a strong military, but also need to secure the resources needed; food, energy, minerals etc. Thus, China’s excursion into the depths of Africa and Latin America and of course the South China Sea should be seen in this context.

Realpolitik is actually being practiced to some extent by other countries too. That’s the reason why for example, countries spend billions of dollars on their military. But unlike China, these countries such as the Western democracies tampered their political realism with political idealism or what is now known as liberalism.

Liberalism, the second school of political thought, is the notion that if countries share the same philosophy, there will be less of a chance of them being at each other’s throats. Thus we have the EU, ASEAN and other political/economic treaties between countries.

The problem arises when there is a differing view on what this common philosophy should be. For the western democracies with the US leading the charge, this philosophy should be based on the concept of democracy and all the liberal appendixes that come with it; human rights, free trade, globalisation etc. However, lest we forget, China is still a communist country with no universal suffrage and is ruled by an exclusive club with the ancient historical instinct to demand homage and tribute still intact.

In short, there is a serious disconnect between how China views the world, with the rest of the world.

So what should Singapore position be?

As a small country, the best option is to try to manoeuvre between the two political thoughts as best as we could. We should share the liberalism of the west but at the same time give some face to China.

In the context of the South China Sea, to put it bluntly, we should just shut the fuck up because we don’t have any claim to that sea and we should just allow the various claimants to duke it out, whether via show of force or diplomacy.

If the Philippines, the most vociferous of the lot could change tack and kowtow to China, who are we to make noise?

By: B Goode

As of today, the much maligned SMRT has been delisted. It doesn’t mean that the government is now running the company. God forbid that they would want their white attire to be soiled by the grease and the dirt that are now plaguing the entire system. In fact, the relationship between the SMRT and the LTA vis-à-vis the operation of the system is still as intricate as the rotijala that I had for breakfast this morning.

It just means that the government has taken ownership of the system and has outsourced its day-to-day running to SMRT. And this is a good thing.

In the past, in the dual-ownership model, the SMRT was plagued by what my civil-servant friends would call : `Tai Chi’, where both the SMRT and the LTA would inevitably push the blame of any problems to the other owner. The way the previous model was structured had made it almost impossible to pin any particular trouble to either the SMRT or LTA thus making any remedial action at the very least cumbersome.

Take for example an incident of a power trip. The LTA would blame the SMRT for a disruption in service. The SMRT on the other hand, would blame the LTA for not maintaining the electrical system which was under the LTA purview. Similarly, a lot have been said about the lack of maintenance as the probable cause of the dilapidated state of the SMRT train network. The question then would be, who was supposed to maintain what?

But all that should be water under the bridge now with the SMRT being delisted and thus totally managed, supervised and financed by the government. The government or in this case, the LTA will now be the sole owner of the system and they could thus have a better overview of the problems and they alone will decide on the best way to correct them.

I hate to say this but Minister Khaw Boon Wan should be applauded for this leap of faith. It takes courage for the government to quietly admit that their policy has failed. And it takes a courageous man to get the government to part with billions of dollars to acquire a broken system.

Whatever it is, this shows the government’s determination and commitment to see that the transport network is efficient and sound.  Already the signs are good. There are looking for more engineers and the LTA’s management team is now packed with real engineers.

But change will take time. We can expect the usual delays and breakdowns as the system is being reviewed and modernised. But at least now, we only have one body to bitch about. And that is the LTA.

But we should all be comfortable in the knowledge that the MRT system will get better because whatever we may say about the government, when they set their sight on something, they usually get things done.

By: B Goode

This soap opera that has been hogging local politics for years (Yes years!) must stop now.

It is now looking more like two girls arguing about who is more virginal. Girls! You are both annoying af and definitely not virgins as far as politics are concerned. Show me a virgin politician and I’ll show you a picture of Kim Kardashian untouched by photoshop.

The latest in the Aljuneid Hougang Town Council (AHTC) drama is now in the realm of pedantry. The PAP government is alluding to improper bookkeeping whilst Workers Party chief Low Thia Khiang has asked for the definition of the word `proper’.

Before this squabble degenerates into a mud-wrestling match between Josephine Teo and Sylvia Lim (ewwwww!) I think it is time for this matter to be decided by the Police.

But a Police report must first be lodged and it must be lodged by an aggrieved person. Since the government is reluctant to do it, there is fortunately another way.

Any resident of AHTC can lodge a Police report because it involves their money. Let the Police investigate and decide whether a criminal proceeding is warranted. And then, let the legal process takes its course.

Whatever it is, this issue must be put to bed once and for all. It is making a mockery of our legal and political systems.

Most importantly, I for one do not want to see Josephine Teo and Sylvia Lim slugging it out in a wet bikini.

Now where did I put that bleach?

By: B Goode

PM Lee’s confirmation that 2017 will see a Malay President installed has caused a great schism not seen in Singapore since the 1988 inter-JC debate.  Amongst armchair critics that is. Like myself.

Both sides have valid reasons and concerns. And it is the type of issue where sitting on the fence seems like the most comfortable position to be.

When discussing racial issues in Singapore, it is best to walk gingerly on eggshells. But the problem with this is that misperceptions will tend to form thus further clouding the issue.  So at the risk of getting an invitation to coffee at the twin towers, allow me to try to list the brutal facts why it is necessary to have a Malay President.

Look away now if you are sensitive to truths.

A Malay will lose in a straight forward election fight with a Chinese. In a country where race is still a requisite in the NRIC and in most application forms for almost everything in life, racial preference is still prominent in society. Not to say that we are racist. Just because I prefer broccoli over asparagus doesn’t mean I’ll destroy every asparagus I see.

So in a country where 75% of the population is Chinese, in a straight fight between two equally qualified individuals, one of whom is a Chinese, the Chinese will almost always win.

The second truth is that there is a dearth of qualified Malays considering the out-of-this-world criteria set. In writing this article, I googled ` Singapore Malay personalities’ and I was returned a list of Malays most of whom have died. Those still living are either not qualified, or former and present Ministers.

So if you have a straight fight between a successful Chinese banker and a former Malay Minister, who do you think will win?

In short, considering the social/economic/political conditions in Singapore, without a helping hand, a Malay will never be a President for at least another 50 years.

We could argue that in the name of democracy and meritocracy, we should just let it be. If we are to have Chinese Presidents for generations to come, so be it. But politics is a funny old bitch. It might seem simple but it is not. In fact as Winston Churchill once said; politics is 99% perception, and 1% fact. Or as Trump might have said: politics is 99% bullshit.

The President Office has always been seen or touted as a reflection of the values of the country. Just because it has been given an extra responsibility as the keyholder of the country’s reserves does not alter this fact. The values of multi-racial, religious, culture are still required to be reflected in the highest office of the land. If there have not been a minority President for decades, the concept of multi-this-and-that will sound a little hollow.

But most importantly, if you look at the map, you will see that Singapore is just a little red dot smacked in the middle of the Malay archipelago. As I have argued before, Singapore draws its wealth and security from the giant states surrounding it simply because they allow us to do our own thing. Having a Malay President now and then will go a long way to assuage these countries that Singapore is not an anomaly to be seen with suspicion.

So yes I have to agree that having a Presidency reserved for the Malays every 5 terms or so is tokenism, is affirmative action and is a case of *kesian-punya-pasal. But it is necessary in the context of present day political and social circumstances in Singapore.

And what is wrong with having Halimah Yacob as a Malay President?

*kesian-punya-pasal – pity

By: B Goode

Took me three days to recover from my depression caused by Trump winning the US Elections. Losing a $50 dollar bet to a swanky friend was enough to trigger me into the depths of melancholy.

Many others were just stumped and shocked. How could a bully, womanizer, bigot, chauvinist etc be elected as the most powerful man on earth, they asked. In fact, just pick a good word, find its antonym and you will have a description for Trump.

The answer is in what Trump represents. Trump is a republican and thus a conservative; a businessman turned politician who has expressed his right leaning agenda vociferously, forcefully and most importantly loudly from on-top of the highest macho mountain. A lot of us thought that he was an idiot, and still does and is; a caricature that could only be envisioned in an episode of South Park.  And we discounted his supporters like what Hillary has described as a basket of deplorables.

Well what do we know…..this basket of deplorables is actually into something.

And that something is the wave of anti-liberal backlash that is sweeping the globe; from the Philippines, to India, to Africa, to Europe, UK, Brazil, and now to the USA. Simply put, they are tired of the whiny and bitchy liberals; the Social Justice Warriors, the environmentalists, the socialists, the animal lovers, the naturalists, the LGBTs, the feminists, the globalisation apologists, the human rights groups, those keyboard warriors who spend all their free time stalking the internet to complain and condemn anyone who dared to call a blind man, blind.

The group of people who have been hogging the interweb for years with their holier-than-thou attitude is now faced with the angry reactions from people fed-up with the liberals’ incessant tantrums, and it showed.

In short, they want the government to govern again and to stop pandering to the basket of stoners. They want America to be returned to Americans, first. They want the reinstatement of American values and not the nebulous idealistic virtues that seemed to be plucked from the minds of those high on hallucinogenic drugs.

They want to put a stop to the dictatorship of the mind-benders.

As a conservative who goes to work still dressed like the American pilgrims, I am happy with this pleasant turn of events. The sooner the government realise that people like me still exist, the better because Singapore will without exception, be swept away by this conservative tsunami.

I want to see the government, govern again. I want to see the Minsters work again and not busy taking selfies and wearing sarees. I want to see criminals put behind bars. I want to see school bullies disciplined and not merely counselled. I want to see teachers not afraid to dish out punishment. I want to see murderers and drug traffickers hanged. I want to see child-abusers castrated. I want to see our legal system acting as the defenders of the laws and not acting like social workers. I want jobs given to Singaporeans, first. I want Singaporean workers’ welfare be given priority over that of the migrant workers’. I want our parks and recreational areas safe for family outings and not hogged by migrant workers drinking openly. I want to see MPs elevated back to lawmakers and not estate managers. I want to see companies involved in shoddy works banned and blacklisted. I want to see pigeons, mynahs, feral cats and dogs culled.

I want Lee Kuan Yew resurrected again.

I know that I will be getting a lot of flak. But hey liberals! Guess what?

You lost!

By: B Goode

Students beating up other students. Students having sex-themed orientation camps. Students taking upskirt photos of teachers .Teachers resigning in exasperation.

WTF is happening in our schools?

To be honest, nothing much has changed from the schools of yesteryears because boys will be boys, and girls will be easily impressed.

When I was a student (Yes. I got study wan oso ok…) we were as incorrigible as today’s youngins’ because naughtiness is a trait that transcends time.

Back in my day (*shakes cane), public caning was a weekly affair. Getting whacked on the knuckles or palm with a ruler or the end of the feather-duster was almost an hourly affair. Standing on chairs (lol), detention classes and getting suspended were all part and parcel of school life back then.

Truancy was part of our curriculum because the perimeter fencing was non-existent and so was the security guard. The prefects who were supposed to maintain law and order were the sissy-types. One stare and they’d look the other way. So we’d run out to go to the nearby jungle to fuck spiders or `lastik’ birds. Louis Ng hasn’t been born yet so there wasn’t anybody to shout animal cruelty.

And occasionally we’d come across students from the neighbouring school and a street battle would ensue.

Although back then (*pops statin) we didn’t have camera-phones, there were occasions when we’d drop a pencil or two to take an upskirt peep of the teachers during an era when mini-skirts were the rage.

All in all, I have written more lines than Lindsay Lohan had snorted them.

Despite all that, l must say I turned up okay. I didn’t end up in jail. Not yet at least.

So as far as students discipline is concerned, nothing much has changed except for one thing.

Back then (*cracks joints), when we were disciplined by the teachers or principal, we wouldn’t dare inform our parents let alone complain to them because we’d not be getting any sympathy. Instead, we’d get punished more severely. The type of punishment that nowadays would be categorised as child abuse. Damn liberals!

Now however, the teachers are afraid to discipline the students because the students will cry to their mamas and papas and their mamas and papas will shoot letters of complaints all the way to the MOE.

Parents should trust teachers and schools more. It is funny to think that some parents who couldn’t even pass their O levels thought that they could do a better job at educating their children than the professionals.

This is not to say that parents should leave everything to the schools. They should get involved in so far as monitoring the students’ progress, in choosing the schools and perhaps the courses and to provide the optimal home environment for their children. But they should leave the bulk of academic education which includes school discipline to the professionals. The last thing parents should do is to project their own unfulfilled dream onto their children. I mean, if you were too stupid to be a doctor, why would you pressure your child to be one.

At the end of the day, a child’s education is a holistic process that involves everyone. But it can only be ideal for the students if everyone understands their own roles and not to impinge on each other’s turf.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish all students who are taking their final year exams all the best and to remember one thing:

If you fail in your exams, it is not the end of the world.

You can always be an unappreciated blogger….

By: B Goode

F1 supremo Bernie Whatshisnamestone said that Singapore might withdraw from the F1 circuit because we treated the F1 like a used tissue paper or something to that effect.

He was telling the truth, you know.

F1 is nothing but a glamour sport. In its heyday back in the 70’s, everyone was enthralled by the playboy lifestyle of the F1 drivers and the decadence and excesses of the spectators. It was a sport for the rich and famous and poor plebs like me could only sniff at the images of racing cars on the pages of soiled magazines on the library stands. Don’t judge me.

But not anymore. The current champion, Lewis Hamilton is more pristine than a Greek virgin……oil. The cars they drive are so computerised that they are better off driving on the arcade machines and we are better off watching that.

Even when Singapore first mooted the idea of hosting the F1, the excitement of the race was already on the wane. But we decided to proceed because we had a point to make. We wanted Singapore to be known as a global city to attract real foreign talents to work and live here and F1 could provide that pull. And consequently by successfully organising what was and still is a complex night race in the middle of a city, Singapore has shown to the world our innovation, creativity and never-say-die attitude.

And so having achieved all that and our money-shot (see pic above), it is now about dollars and cents. If we are not making money out of F1, we should just stop hosting it.

Uncle Bernie should understand all about money. He single-handedly polished a turd to sell it as a multi-billion dollar diamond.

Seriously. Who would sit in the heat, breathing in the toxic exhaust fumes just to watch a bunch of racing cars zooming past in split-seconds forty-nine4 times? Unless it was all about hype.

But the hype is gone now.

So we should just say thank you to Uncle Bernie. All good things will come to an end. And the era of F1 in Singapore is truly over.